Come on, cold wimps; it's only been 'a bit brisk' |
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Published 1/31/2019
Duluth New Tribue, Duluth, MN
By John Freivalds
Methinks we have become a nation of wimps. I think it started with the invention of the concept of wind chill, which came out in the middle of the 1970s. Then Thomas Gifford wrote "Wind-Chill Factor," which became a No. 1 best seller. Gifford was born in Dubuque, Iowa, where I lived for 33 months before moving to the Twin Cities. While in Dubuque we did have one morning when it was minus-26. For you weather-challenged, wind chill is "the cooling effect of wind on exposed skin." A little irrelevant in that few of us run around naked in a blizzard.
But really, folks, cold is not what it used to be.
Many of us have heated garages, remote starters for our cars, earmuffs, hand warmers, down jackets, Will Steger mukluks, thermal socks (if not underwear), fur-lined gloves, and even heated steering wheels. We drive to work and park in underground garages and work in heated offices. I even saw an icehouse being hauled onto a lake with a propane tank on the back. In fact, where would it be so cold that you needed a fur coat?
Not even at the Vikings stadium, which is enclosed and heated. Bud Grant, the former Vikings coach, remember, forbid heaters on players' benches during games.
And these days the utility can't cut off your heat in the cold weather.
Yeah, and the reality show, "Naked and Afraid," is done in the tropics. Let's see them do it in Antarctica. The University of Minnesota Duluth is noted for its study of hypothermia; so let's get folks there involved.
But it sure does make good reading when the topic is the "polar vortex" coming down from the north. You can tell your friends in San Francisco how cold it's going to get. But I wonder how Plains Indians and the early settlers got by. For one, they slept with their animals. Cows not only gave milk; they radiated heat.
I was born in Latvia, a country with a 140-mile border with Russia. I left as a child after the Russians invaded, as my father, a journalist, either would have been shot or all of us would have been sent to Siberia — where it's really cold. And in those days there were no Cabelas to go to. Or warm food to help you keep going. And no baths when you trudged back to the barracks.
Cold is relative. Once in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, I asked the locals about some low temperatures they had been having. Yep, it was "cool." That was the only thing they would say. Or my boss at the Grain Exchange walking through the wind tunnels of downtown saying, "Yes, it's brisk today." Or died-in-the-wool Minnesotans saying they like the cold because it keeps the riff-raff out.
My library is full of books about Arctic and Antarctic exploration. Those guys went out without down anything to explore the endless tracts of ice and snow and cold.
Or there are totally crazy guys like Jon Turk, author of "Cold Oceans," who decided to kayak around Cape Horn. Lake Superior was too tame for him.
John Freivalds of Wayzata, Minn., is the honorary consul for Latvia in Minnesota and the author of six books. His website is jfapress.com.